Time for Another

the diary of our quest for baby number 2

The homestretch Monday 9 June 2008

It could be any day although the reality is more likely 4-8wks. We are ok for a home waterbirth from 37 wks (I’ll be 34 wks tomorrow) so I hope he hangs on until then. We have a small amount of decorating to finish before we finally get the flat on the market – I’m determined to have it for sale before we have this little fellow, because once he arrives, life will be manic and we’ll never get around to it.

Healthwise, I’m ok – we had a small scare a couple of weeks ago when I had a terrible headache and felt nauseous all day so we ended up paying a trip to the labour ward for monitoring. Thankfully pre-eclampsia was ruled out and we think it was probably just a migraine or virus. I’m now having fortnightly midwife appointments and last time we discussed what might be done with the placenta – I’ve been thinking more and more about this as the time comes to give birth. Initially I thought keeping the placenta was a bit gross, but the more time goes on, I think it would be nice to bury it with the twins’ cherry tree. It won’t be *just* the placenta but the twins will be part of it, along with their placenta – it’s some sort of closure for me to bury them together and have a resting place for them. Even though it’s still a bit freaky to think too hard about.  I’ve also had a call from the GPs counsellor who can fit me in for at least one session before my due date. I had wondered if I needed it, but now that it’s been offered, I feel it’s a good thing to go along. I’m definitely not over my grief and guilt of the reduction and in fact as I near the due date, the more it’s on my mind and I’ve had a few weepy moments. Interestingly over the weekend I ended up talking at length to a friend who initially I had thought would have reason to judge (she’s Catholic). However she was a great listener and seemed to understand that we’d been through hell and back and had considered every option possible before coming to the dreadful decision that we did. She told me of a quote from Richard E Grant about grief which goes something like this: ‘You never get over grief, but you do learn to walk around it’. That makes a lot of sense. 

And so as we reach those last few weeks, I’ve got my TENS machine ordered, hospital bag packed for me, baby’s one is prepared and needs putting in a bag (just in case of course!), vague plan of what to do with dd when things kick off, website bookmarked for the birth pool. Birth plan needs to be written up ready, a firmer plan for dd needs to be settled. The decorating needs to be finished and the flat on the market. But we’ll get there!

Other news: DD has potty trained successfully day and night – she’s taken to it like a duck to water, clearly it was the right thing to do to wait until she was ready. We attended our friends’ wedding over the weekend and it was great – beautiful weather, great service, lovely reception. I felt glamourous next to my handsome husband and dd looked so cute it was unbelievable!

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Phew, it’s warm today Wednesday 21 May 2008

Filed under: 3D scan,4D scan,bump,decorating,facts,potty training — timeforanother @ 1:22 pm

But I’m feeling a lovely sense of well being. Things are all ticking along very nicely – dd has taken to potty training brilliantly and all we have to tackle now is nighttime and nap time staying dry; 4D scan was wonderful; Venture photography was great and we resisted the temptation to buy loads of pictures; I finally have a gorgeous outfit (complete with shoes and bag) for the wedding we’re going to in June; the decorating is almost complete. 😀 😀 😀

Courtesy of iampregnant.com

 

Dates and numbers: 
There are 61 days until your due date on July 22, 2008
You are 219 days pregnant. 
You are 7.2 months pregnant. 
You are in your 8th month of pregnancy. 
Your 3rd trimester: April 29, 2008 to July 22, 2008. (28 – 40 weeks)
I weigh 11 stone and I would give a bump measurement but I can’t find the tape measure – but it feels pretty big!

Just one of several wonderful photos we got from the 4D scan. He was mostly sleeping so we didn’t bother with the DVD but it was just fantastic to see him having little wriggles, and waving his arm around at the end. He looks like his sister and daddy and is a proper cutie (well, if him mama can’t say that, who can?!) I can’t wait to meet him now – it’s definitely helped me with the bonding thing.

 

 

Monday 14 April 2008

Filed under: facts,life sentence,multiples,potty training,reduction,scared,triplets — timeforanother @ 1:54 pm

I came across this (found here) today and it’s probably the first time I’ve actually seen some statistics written anywhere other than in medical papers.

Risks of multiple pregnancies is high

Multiple pregnancies are a greater risk to the mother and the babies. The risk is greater for twins than single babies but rises dramatically with three babies or more. Without selective reduction 13 per cent of multiple pregnancies end with no live babies, and more than 15 per cent end with premature babies.

And this (from here)

CONCLUSION: In trichorionic triplet pregnancies, embryo reduction to twins does not improve the chance of survival but may reduce the rate of handicap. Reduction from triplets to singletons may reduce both the survival rate and the handicap rate among survivors.

I still can’t help but feel we weren’t given enough information about the management of an id twin pregnancy compared with a reduced singleton one. The statistics seem contradictory and confusing the more I find. I probably shouldn’t keep looking, but I really can’t help myself. I guess I’m searching for the elusive ‘that choice was the best one medically’ statistic, which would absolve me somewhat. Although in my heart of hearts, I know that any of our ‘what if…’ options would have me here thinking and researching the others, there is no real peace to be found, only acceptance and a desire to do the best with what we have. I’m usually a great believer in letting the past go, or at least not letting it affect ones future, but maybe it’s too fresh right now to move on just yet. Accepting that bad & horrible things happen sometimes, but having to also accept that it doesn’t mean we are bad & horrible, or that bad & horrible things should continue to happen, or that we should somehow punish ourselves even more for the decisions we made. They have been made and acted upon; we cannot change them. It’s easy to write, say, even think, but much more difficult to believe. I hope to get there someday, but I’m also aware that maybe I never will, and I will just need to live with that.

Back to the here & now – must sign off and change my dd’s nappy. Roll on potty training!

 

Scan update Saturday 15 March 2008

Filed under: 21wks,3D scan,4D scan,depressed,down,potty training,scan,size,worries — timeforanother @ 3:37 pm

We went for the 21wk anomaly scan yesterday morning and after a couple of very low days, I really wasn’t looking forward to it, despite what I said in my last post. Most of my ‘big’ scans have been traumatic experiences this time so I felt unable to get excited about this one, in fact I was scared that we would be told bad news and find ourselves in the world of pain all over again.

Thank goodness all was well, apart from wriggler not wanting to wake up and move position, despite a half hour break and the wolfing down of chocolate and slurping of cold diet coke combined with a quick march around the hospital grounds, swinging my hips. I must have looked a very funny sight! But our boy wasn’t moving for anyone (takes after his dad 🙂 ) and the sonographer only just got to see the profile that she needed. Needless to say, the photos are rubbish. Mostly of the back of his head. Fingers crossed we’ll get some better ones at the next consultant scan.

The measurements all look good – well within the ranges for my dates.
Femur length: 36mm
Head circumference: 196mm
Abdominal circumference: 165mm
It’s most definitely a boy – she pointed out the ‘bits’ although because of the funny angle I was at, I couldn’t really tell what I was looking at. DH (darling husband) reckoned it was very obvious though!

Funnily enough, both me and DH seperately started to think about having a 3D/4D scan. I’ve always been a little bit spooked by these, and couldn’t really see the point in one of the DVDs of baby. However, both of us are wondering if it will help with the bonding. We’re not really that fussed about the DVD angle, but the opportunity to sit and watch wriggler in action (or sleeping knowing our luck) and come away with a couple of pictures. Once we realised that we’d both been thinking about it, I did some research and found a company in London which seems reasonably priced and don’t do ‘packages’ but let you decide on the day (depending on how baby has ‘behaved’) what you want to take away ie DVD and/or photos or I guess, nothing at all. Anyway, they recommend going between 24-32 wks so I’m looking at going around about 26wks which is mid April.

Had a good counselling session on Thursday. Quite a lot more is coming out now and whilst I still feel stuck and don’t know how I’m going to move forward, I feel like I’m being understood. I’m going to try and go swimming (sans toddler) at least once a week – probably Monday and Friday mornings in the hope that it will at least free my mind for half an hour or so. I guess the physical activity won’t hurt either and i’m aware of the benefit that exercise has on depression.

Ok, must go and do some parenting. DH is away this weekend so I’m entertaining dd solo (not that much different from the week). We were going to attempt potty training but dd has a cold and that comes with the associated runny bottom, plus major upset at the mere idea of wearing pants today was enough for me to delay until next weekend instead.