Time for Another

the diary of our quest for baby number 2

Stop the world, I want to get off Sunday 6 January 2008

If only. This has got to be the longest 7 days in the history of man and each day has brought more extreme emotions than the last. I found a great resource in the shape of an online forum called mumsnet – their ‘multiples’ area has brought a wealth of support from twin and triplet mums, and not all doing the ‘congratulations, it’ll be hard but you can do it’ type of support. One pointed me at a blog by a French lady living in America who after IVF was expecting quads, who went on to have a ‘reduction’ (another word for fetocide, or basically eliminating one or more of a multiple pg by means of a potassium chloride injection into the fetus’ heart via your abdomen). This is something which we want to discuss with the consultant – I have no idea if it’s something that will be offered in the UK, or if it only gets offered if there are abnormalities with any of the three.

I can’t tell you how much I hate having to read about this stuff, let alone think about it happening to me, them and us. Many women get through such things by not allowing themselves to think of the babies inside them as babies but I’ve found that impossible. I was so happy to be pregnant and I can’t switch that off now that I know I’m pregnant with three. They are all my babies and I love them all unconditionally already, yet I know we can’t have three – maybe in a perfect world we could, but right now it’s doesn’t seem like an option. And it’s not just down to me, dh really doesn’t think we can do it and is worried (rightly) about the strain it would put on us as a couple, let alone the finances, having to move out of our local area and be miles away from friends and family. So all I can do right now is love them knowing they will only be with me for a short time. I’m determined to ask for a scan picture of them all in one shot – it may be morbid to some, but I don’t want any one of them to be forgotten. And anyway, reduction comes with it’s own risks – it may cause the remaining ones to miscarry so we could end up with no babies at all.

As if these things weren’t enough to overwhelm us, I also started losing ‘old blood’ (it’s brown) which is probably nothing to worry about, but this morning there was quite a lot and accompanied by strong aches/pains in my abdomen. There’s no point in calling anyone, we’re seeing the consultant tomorrow and anyway, I suspect it’s just one of those things. Still, I could really do without it. It’s just another worry on top of the mountain we already have.

Sorry this is a depressing post, but I need to get things down, and whilst my mum and husband are listening, I don’t think they can truly understand how it is for me – the one who is carrying them, who will be the one to have needles poked into her tummy, to feel the effects of hormones racing around her, to deal with the joy of being pregnant to the hell of having to decide how to proceed with the pregnancy. I keep hoping that someone will just tell me what to do, or that the scan will show abnormalities which will make decisions slightly more justified but it’s not going to happen is it? It’s really down to us and that kills me.

Advertisements
 

The symptomless pregnancy… so far Tuesday 27 November 2007

6wks today which means the teeny-tiny one is one month already, measuring about 2-4mm. Weirdly, no symptoms as such although this Monday, as last Monday I had queasiness on and off all day. Still quite stroppy which I’m finding endlessy frustrating, I want to feel joyous and happy not snarly and grouchy, but I guess I’m at mercy to the hormones.

Red wine has started to smell horrible to me, which is good in some ways, but not so good when darling husband still drinks it and I can smell it on his breath later on. I’d forgotten how super-sensitive one’s sense of smell gets! Not off any foods yet, in fact same as last time, strong flavours are going down a treat still.

We told a few friends at the weekend and they were really sweet and happy for us. It feels great to know that we have someone to confide in, but it has meant I’m even more desperate to tell others. I can’t win! But, I’m managing (just about) to keep quiet – even the party managed to pass off without much comment. People seemed to accept that I had some kind of water infection and sensibly declined to ask any more questions ha ha!

Work is gearing up to get very busy in the coming week, and my MIL is coming to stay from Sunday – Friday (oh my…), I forsee much daytime babysitting duties as I cram in as much work at the office as possible. Still, that works out good for both of us – she gets time with beloved granddaughter, I get time out and work done. Everyone’s a winner!

 

5wks & 2 days Thursday 22 November 2007

Quick update. I took a Clearblue digital test last week too – just so I could see the result in words. And sure enough ‘pregnant’ came up nice and fast. What’s funny this time around is that I’m not getting any symptoms at all. I felt queasy and sick on Monday just gone, but the following day, all gone. I’m still eating strong, spicy food, and haven’t gone off the smell of anything (yet). Well, except I’m finding red wine a bit nasty, which is a great thing as I shouldn’t be drinking anything alcoholic 🙂

This weekend will be a testing one, a birthday party on Friday where I’ll be feigning an infection of sorts, then a toddler birthday party on Saturday. Hopefully not so difficult! But we may tell them anyway – very trustworthy people who definitely won’t blab and supportive if needed. I still can’t believe I haven’t cracked and told my mum yet. Thank god for being really busy with work.

Anyway found this today:
Dates and numbers:
You are 5 weeks pregnant.
There are 242 days until your due date on July 22, 2008.
You are 38 days pregnant.
You are 1.2 months pregnant.
You are in your 2nd month of pregnancy.
Your 1st trimester: October 16, 2007 to January 14, 2008. (0 – 12 weeks)
Your 2nd trimester: January 15, 2008 to April 28, 2008. (13 – 27 weeks)
Your 3rd trimester: April 29, 2008 to July 22, 2008. (28 – 40 weeks)

The baby has not grown very much from last week and is now approximately 1.25 mm long.

Sooooo tiny! And it has a tail too. Pictures of ‘babies’ at this stage resemble tiny aliens or something jurassic. I can’t wait to see it wriggling around at the scan (no date yet, midwife booking appointment on the 5th December)

 

Quietly positive this month Wednesday 24 October 2007

Filed under: calm,keeping quiet,sperm meets egg plan — timeforanother @ 2:59 pm

Of course I can say that now because I’m not on the dreaded 2ww, imagining every tiny ache, pain, feeling, taste is a symptom of pregnancy. Anyway, we hit day one of the ‘sperm meets egg’ plan yesterday and rather enjoyed ourselves IYKWIM! I’m trying hard to keep a sense of calm about the plans this month, and thankfully a full workload is keeping me occupied and not allowing much time for obsessing over it all.

I’m awarding myself a big pat on the back for managing to keep schtum with even my bestest pals (despite having my tongue loosened with rather too much wine). I suppose the real test will be keeping it quiet when I get my positive pregnancy test.