Time for Another

the diary of our quest for baby number 2

30wks tomorrow Monday 12 May 2008

Another milestone about to be reached. Although 8-10wks to go still sounds like a long wait. We must start practicing the Hypnobirthing techniques, particularly as the course was so brilliant this time around. I’ve organised a basic hospital bag (something I didn’t do last time), know which birthing pool to order, have got the carrycot bit for our Xplory, washed all clothes and sheets and all we have to do now is find a name for the Wriggler. We hope that seing him a bit more clearly at the 4D scan on Friday will help a little, although he usually behaves very coyly at scans.

Not sure if it’s the heat but he has barely stopped moving over the last couple of days, which is nice in some ways but also quite tiring. I nearly fainted in the kitchen yesterday – just because it’s hot and the oven was on. DH came to the rescue 🙂 Today my hands and feet feel swollen and tight and all I really want to do is lie in the cool and sleep; the chances of that happening are about as good as odds on pigs doing a fly-by passed the window!

Can’t remember when I last posted or in fact what I posted… so sorry if I repeat myself. I got signed off from my consultant last Tuesday as the pregnancy is all developing as it should. It’s only really in my head where the ‘problem’ lies. I still can’t shake off my feelings of deep guilt and sadness about the twins. There isn’t a day goes by where I don’t think about what we did and whether it was the right choice. There are now at least two ladies on Bounty who have announced triplet pregnancies (and of course, they are going ahead) and I can’t help myself but read their stories. A tiny bit of me wants to hear that things don’t work out which is pretty sick to admit, but if they are successful, it’s just another smack in my face, proving that it can be done, and relatively easily.

We got around to buying a cherry tree the other week, and the recent sunshine has seen it sprouting lots of greenery on an otherwise lifeless looking stick. Signs of spring with bittersweet undertones.

Decorating has been more off than on, but the carpenter and his dad came back today and finished hanging the doors and sorting out of the laminate floor edging (well, some of it). Also, the underfloor heating which we installed at least 3yrs ago, is finally connected to the electricity supply. On the hottest day of the year so far. There must be some irony in that. Our latest plan is to sell up asap, pay off our debts, hopefully keep a chunk of money for a deposit, then rent for 6mths-1yr locally. It doesn’t matter then if prices rise, fall or stay the same – we’ll still be in a better position than when we started out, despite not having the flat as an asset. Initially a little scary, but the more we talk it through, the more appealing it seems. Plus, we’re planning a 3wk holiday over Christmas and New Year, somewhere warm, with a kids club so we can escape the usual shenanigans, and be somewhere far away from the memories that will surely return as the anniversary of discovering the triplets approaches.

Enough for tonight, time to sleep.

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24 weeks – baby is now ‘viable’ Tuesday 1 April 2008

Filed under: 24wks,decorating,house hunting,losing the baby,Uncategorized,viable,worries — timeforanother @ 10:15 am

Wow – this really is a big milestone to reach. I can’t help but remember the times when I really didn’t believe we would get here – everything seemed doomed with this pg and I truly believed that this little wriggler wouldn’t hold on. I still have an inkling that he might just turn up early but I’m more hopeful that it won’t be *too* early.

Everything is going ok – decorating continues, the bedroom has become a temporary storage facility, our dd is due back tomorrow (how I’ve missed her) and the house hunting is proving better each time – although we haven’t found THE ONE yet.

Off to visit my folks this weekend and I’m looking forward to some r&r, and a shopping trip to buy some much needed maternity jeans as I’m literally living in the one pair I have.

Still feeling enormous pangs of grief and guilt about the twins but I’m learning to live with them.

 

20 weeks today – half way! Tuesday 4 March 2008

And boy has it taken forever to get here. Finally, I am at the halfway stage and hopefully out of the danger zone. Wriggler is living up to his name this week and I’m feeling movements throughout the day – it’s funny how they differ from those that my daughter made when she was inside. She used to wave her arms and legs around so I’d feel distinct prods, whereas Wriggler is more of a somersaulting type. It also feels like he’s really low down. It’s nice to be able to feel him in there though, can’t believe it’s been 8 wks since I could feel the three of them moving about.

Plans to move are coming along nicely. House viewings are being lined up for Saturday and we’re busy getting quotes for various diy bits that need doing here. Other plans afoot are to go for a home water birth if able. I’ve decided that I like the Made in Water ‘la Bassine’f and at just over £100 for the pool and accessories, it’s still way cheaper than hiring one. I really hope to give birth in the pool as well as using it during labour, it’s sort of symbolic for me in that I think of the twins being safe ‘in the blue’ (see a previous post) so to birth the wriggler into the blue completes the circle. Plus the benefits of water births are well known and combine nicely with hypnobirthing. Which is another thing I’ve been getting on to – arranging for more sessions. Looks like we’ll start either a refresher or a full course at around 30wks and I can’t wait! It was so relaxing.

Darling daughter continues to amuse and annoy in equal measures as is befitting a 2.5yr old. She’s back to not sleeping for more than a few hours at a time at night which is not great when combined with my indigestion/noro virus stomach ache thing which keeps me awake anyway. At 4am today I went in and the conversation went something like this:

DD: It’s dark. I can’t see anything, no toys.
Me: That’s because it’s night time. And night time is when we sleep.
DD: I can’t see *anything*. It’s night time. Dark.
Me: Yes darling. It’s night time and it’s dark. The sun comes out in the morning.
DD: Sunshine? Sunshine go pop morning. It’s breakfast timing!!
Me: Yes darling. Sunshine comes in the morning and then it’s breakfast time
DD: I have toast and cereal?
Me: Yes, in the morning. But it’s dark now because it’s night time. Night time is when we sleep. When you wake up it will be morning.
DD: And sunshine go pop – breakfast timing!!
Me: Yes. Ok, night night darling. Mama’s going back to bed to sleep.

Cue, crack of dawn at about 5.45am, loud knocking on her bedroom door “Daddeeeeee! Daddeeeee! Sunshine go pop, is morning. Breakfast timing!”

Aaaaaaaargh! And now we have a very sleepy grumpy little girl, a leaden eyed Mama and probably a sleep deprived Daddy (he’s at work). So much for my rational explanation – I should have guessed it would be taken literally 🙂 Next stop is for the Bunny Clock – we hear great things about it and it’s got to be worth a go surely. Broken sleep and v early mornings are bad for us all in this family.

 

Valentines Friday 15 February 2008

Filed under: bleeding,counselling,house hunting — timeforanother @ 10:05 am

My lovely wonderful husband spoiled me rotten yesterday – jewellery, flowers and a meal cooked for me. Plus a card with the most beautiful words in. My surprise didn’t quite work to plan (it involved hair removal cream – ouch) but brought a smile to our faces 🙂

I also had my first counselling session with the maternity and neonatal counsellor. We hope that we can both go next time, but this one was arranged very last minute due to a cancellation. As suspected, I sobbed through the whole session as I explained what had happened, and my feelings about it all. I get the impression that she hasn’t dealt with anyone who’s been through a selective reduction before, but she was very sympathetic and asked good questions at the right moments. I hope it works out. Currently I’m not really sure how it will help but there don’t seem to be any good reasons *not* to try.

We have another nice weekend planned, with friends coming around tomorrow with their 2yr old daughter, then two house viewings on Sunday. We’re particularly excited about the house viewings – they’re in a different area, about 50mins drive from our current location but boy will our money go much further! For the price of a 2 bed flat here, we can get a detatched 4 bed house with garage and garden!! Unbelievable – I can’t wait to have all that space, and a garden for the kids to play in, and for me to grow fruit and vegetables. And a real spare room/office. And hopefully more families nearby. Where we live currently is all flats and we barely know any of our neighbours by sight, let alone by name.

And dare I mention it without jinxing it… ssssssh, I’ve had no more bleeding for about 5 days now… still get cramping and a few stabby pains but the bleeding has definitely cleared up. At long last 🙂