Time for Another

the diary of our quest for baby number 2

Good news but feeling blue Tuesday 15 July 2008

Filed under: 2nd child,39wks,blue,bump,down,false alarms,pregnant,selling house,sleeping,tired,toddler — timeforanother @ 11:00 am

We accepted a cash offer on the flat yesterday – a bit lower than we really wanted but DH has got the fear about it all and just wants it to go through quickly and painlessly, which a cash sale will almost guarantee. I feel fairly ambivalent about it – wishing I had the energy to play a bit more hardball with it. The offer did come a lot quicker than we imagined, it’s not been on the market a week yet! Still, she’s got herself a beautiful flat for a bargain price, and we get to clear our debts and find a rented house to move into for phase 2 of family life.

Talking of which, still nothing going on with Wriggler. I’m starting to believe I’m going to be pregnant forever, or at least he’ll hold on til the last possible minute (which is 3 wks today). Getting really fed up now – my back is really playing up which makes moving around incredibly painful and awkward – more so than normal. My hands and feet are constantly swollen and tight; sleeping is a nightmare, what with needing to pee every few minutes, raging heartburn and of course, the incredibly annoying tummy pains which seem exciting then just fade to nothing… It doesn’t help matters that a lot of my Due in July Bounty buddies are dropping babies left, right and centre. I feel ready to meet my little boy now (and if he stays much longer, my skin is going to literally come apart)

So the blues are here today. I should be feeling happy about the sale but can’t muster any real enthusiasm – there is a pile of paperwork to complete and numerous phone calls to make which I just can’t face. Baby is sitting tight and I really want to focus on him and get on with labouring, but I seem to be stuck between the two things and neither is going to move along without some input from me. Poor old DH is trying to get a ton of work sorted in case he gets ‘the call’ from me so he is less inclined to do house sale stuff and it seems unfair of me to ask him to quite frankly – I’m just sitting around at home waiting (and looking after our dd). Today, I will drop into the managing agents office and try to get some answers from them about house stuff, fetch dd from nursery, eat lunch with dd, then whilst she naps, I’ll order some shopping online.

And try to feel cheerful!

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Scan update Saturday 15 March 2008

Filed under: 21wks,3D scan,4D scan,depressed,down,potty training,scan,size,worries — timeforanother @ 3:37 pm

We went for the 21wk anomaly scan yesterday morning and after a couple of very low days, I really wasn’t looking forward to it, despite what I said in my last post. Most of my ‘big’ scans have been traumatic experiences this time so I felt unable to get excited about this one, in fact I was scared that we would be told bad news and find ourselves in the world of pain all over again.

Thank goodness all was well, apart from wriggler not wanting to wake up and move position, despite a half hour break and the wolfing down of chocolate and slurping of cold diet coke combined with a quick march around the hospital grounds, swinging my hips. I must have looked a very funny sight! But our boy wasn’t moving for anyone (takes after his dad 🙂 ) and the sonographer only just got to see the profile that she needed. Needless to say, the photos are rubbish. Mostly of the back of his head. Fingers crossed we’ll get some better ones at the next consultant scan.

The measurements all look good – well within the ranges for my dates.
Femur length: 36mm
Head circumference: 196mm
Abdominal circumference: 165mm
It’s most definitely a boy – she pointed out the ‘bits’ although because of the funny angle I was at, I couldn’t really tell what I was looking at. DH (darling husband) reckoned it was very obvious though!

Funnily enough, both me and DH seperately started to think about having a 3D/4D scan. I’ve always been a little bit spooked by these, and couldn’t really see the point in one of the DVDs of baby. However, both of us are wondering if it will help with the bonding. We’re not really that fussed about the DVD angle, but the opportunity to sit and watch wriggler in action (or sleeping knowing our luck) and come away with a couple of pictures. Once we realised that we’d both been thinking about it, I did some research and found a company in London which seems reasonably priced and don’t do ‘packages’ but let you decide on the day (depending on how baby has ‘behaved’) what you want to take away ie DVD and/or photos or I guess, nothing at all. Anyway, they recommend going between 24-32 wks so I’m looking at going around about 26wks which is mid April.

Had a good counselling session on Thursday. Quite a lot more is coming out now and whilst I still feel stuck and don’t know how I’m going to move forward, I feel like I’m being understood. I’m going to try and go swimming (sans toddler) at least once a week – probably Monday and Friday mornings in the hope that it will at least free my mind for half an hour or so. I guess the physical activity won’t hurt either and i’m aware of the benefit that exercise has on depression.

Ok, must go and do some parenting. DH is away this weekend so I’m entertaining dd solo (not that much different from the week). We were going to attempt potty training but dd has a cold and that comes with the associated runny bottom, plus major upset at the mere idea of wearing pants today was enough for me to delay until next weekend instead.

 

Stop the world, I want to get off Sunday 6 January 2008

If only. This has got to be the longest 7 days in the history of man and each day has brought more extreme emotions than the last. I found a great resource in the shape of an online forum called mumsnet – their ‘multiples’ area has brought a wealth of support from twin and triplet mums, and not all doing the ‘congratulations, it’ll be hard but you can do it’ type of support. One pointed me at a blog by a French lady living in America who after IVF was expecting quads, who went on to have a ‘reduction’ (another word for fetocide, or basically eliminating one or more of a multiple pg by means of a potassium chloride injection into the fetus’ heart via your abdomen). This is something which we want to discuss with the consultant – I have no idea if it’s something that will be offered in the UK, or if it only gets offered if there are abnormalities with any of the three.

I can’t tell you how much I hate having to read about this stuff, let alone think about it happening to me, them and us. Many women get through such things by not allowing themselves to think of the babies inside them as babies but I’ve found that impossible. I was so happy to be pregnant and I can’t switch that off now that I know I’m pregnant with three. They are all my babies and I love them all unconditionally already, yet I know we can’t have three – maybe in a perfect world we could, but right now it’s doesn’t seem like an option. And it’s not just down to me, dh really doesn’t think we can do it and is worried (rightly) about the strain it would put on us as a couple, let alone the finances, having to move out of our local area and be miles away from friends and family. So all I can do right now is love them knowing they will only be with me for a short time. I’m determined to ask for a scan picture of them all in one shot – it may be morbid to some, but I don’t want any one of them to be forgotten. And anyway, reduction comes with it’s own risks – it may cause the remaining ones to miscarry so we could end up with no babies at all.

As if these things weren’t enough to overwhelm us, I also started losing ‘old blood’ (it’s brown) which is probably nothing to worry about, but this morning there was quite a lot and accompanied by strong aches/pains in my abdomen. There’s no point in calling anyone, we’re seeing the consultant tomorrow and anyway, I suspect it’s just one of those things. Still, I could really do without it. It’s just another worry on top of the mountain we already have.

Sorry this is a depressing post, but I need to get things down, and whilst my mum and husband are listening, I don’t think they can truly understand how it is for me – the one who is carrying them, who will be the one to have needles poked into her tummy, to feel the effects of hormones racing around her, to deal with the joy of being pregnant to the hell of having to decide how to proceed with the pregnancy. I keep hoping that someone will just tell me what to do, or that the scan will show abnormalities which will make decisions slightly more justified but it’s not going to happen is it? It’s really down to us and that kills me.

 

Waiting Monday 15 October 2007

Filed under: down,dpo,positive,testing,things to do — timeforanother @ 12:45 pm

15dpo or CD1?? Still waiting for period to start, all signs point that way, although a teeny tiny part of me is still holding on to the hope that I may just be pregnant. One last pregnancy test left in the house which I absolutely am not going to use unless my period doesn’t show up by Wednesday – which would be 2-3 days late (and I’m usually like clockwork, 28 days spot on). Hate this waiting.

Had a good old cry on Saturday night about it all, and feel marginally better for it. Things learnt this month have been useful – I’m more aware of my body and it’s cycle; I know I have no will power when it comes to taking pregnancy tests, so I will limit the amount in the house; I will cut down on drinking; I will accept that I will get slightly obsessed with it all but try and take it in my stride.

 

Feeling down Wednesday 10 October 2007

Filed under: 2ww,bfn,bounty,down,nausea,odd taste,period,ultra early test — timeforanother @ 2:28 pm

This is so much worse than the first time around when we just stopped using condoms. It was only the strange metallic taste and nausea that made me check dates and I did a test as I realised I was a couple of days late. This time, I know when I ovulated, when we did it, what cycle day (CD) it is, what tests are considered ‘good’ for early testing etc etc. This has been the longest 2 weeks ever I swear. I’m driving myself insane with testing (even though it’s probably way too early but I have lots of ultra early tests, and now a First Response Early Result) and reading pregnancy signs into every ache, feeling etc. These are more than likely just pre menstrual symptoms and period will turn up bang on time 14th Oct 😦 What’s really crazy is this is the first bout of ‘trying’ and already I’m feeling down about it and feeling like it’s not happened this month. The month isn’t even out yet!! I guess it happened so easily with our daughter…

Over at the Bounty forums it’s like exquisite torture. Supportive yet also obsessive – I find myself desperate for answers that really no-one can give me. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone though, there are plenty of ladies just like me who are driving themselves crazy with the famous 2ww (two week wait, from ov to due period date). Currently all signs point to a bfn (big fat negative) result, and a most unwelcome period, to go through it all again next month. But, then again, the nausea and odd taste have reared their heads over the last two days, so who knows. I’m definitely going to hold back from testing until Friday, then Sunday or even Monday – obviously no need to if period shows up.