Time for Another

the diary of our quest for baby number 2

Time to say goodbye Monday 11 January 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — timeforanother @ 1:25 pm
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It was the 2nd anniversary of our reduction yesterday. The days running up to it left me feeling very emotional – I re-read the blog entries and remembered those dark and difficult days so clearly. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago, yet also still so vivid and raw.

I still often catch myself wondering how it might have been to have 3 little ones running around, causing mischief, winning me over with a cheeky smile… but I am grateful that we have two adorable children with us. The twins have their special place in our hearts and last night we lit two chinese lanterns and remembered our little ones. Our daughter watched from her bedroom window and waved at them as they floated peacefully up into the frosty sky.

We’ll continue to honour them in a similar fashion every year, until maybe we won’t want or feel the need to. For now, it feels right.

What has become clear is that I don’t feel the need to continue this blog. It has been incredibly useful to me, getting down those random, complicated thoughts. And when I look back to how it all started, with a mission to document a 2nd pregnancy, with a vague idea of trying for a boy… how differently it panned out. The blog will remain as a diary – one day maybe my children will read it. In the meantime, it gets a fairly steady stream of unknown readers – I know not all of those readers agree or understand what we did or why we did it, but there are at least a couple for whom it has helped. To know that you are not alone in going through this incredibly difficult time. It was the lack of information and support for this very specific procedure which I found deeply upsetting, there was no-one to turn to, until I discovered the Yahoo support group. Even there, the women were all American and had become pregnant with fertility treatments, I was the only one pregnant entirely naturally (which meant we had had no discussions about the likelihood of multiple pregnancy or it’s outcomes). However we all know the double edged sword that reduction is. We all agonised over the procedure, feel great guilt, grief and confusion, wondered ‘what if…’. Together we continue to talk, discuss, counsel and support each other. A tiny bunch of some of the bravest, strongest women I have ever encountered. I am proud to be one of them, despite the circumstances which brought us together.

And so, it is time to say goodbye. Thank you to those who have read and commented – it sure has been a bumpy ride, but life goes on, and we are all stronger for the experiences we have had.

I’d like to dedicate this blog to my wonderful husband and my gorgeous children (all four of them). I love you all to the moon and back. xxx

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One Response to “Time to say goodbye”

  1. Helen Twomey Says:

    Hi,

    I don’t know if you will ever read this comment but I felt I wanted to write.

    I came across your blog when googling Professor Nicolaides and King’s hospital. I had quite a bad experience there on Tuesday (today is Thursday) and wanted to find out what other people thought of it.

    My situation is different to yours – I am pregnant with identical twins who are suffering from TTTS (twin to twin transfusion syndrome) and SIUGR (selective growth restriction). Things were as stable as they could be until
    Tuesday, when we were sent from lovely UCLH to King’s. Professor Nicolaides performed laser surgery on their shared placenta to disconnect them. We are now waiting and hoping that they both survive until this Tuesday and that the little baby (2 weeks in size behind the other) has enough placenta to survive. They are also concerned about fluid on the little baby’s brain which may indicate brain damage. Got to wait and see.
    Anyway, your blog made me sob and sob this morning – what a strong and amazing person and family you are. We are possibly facing selective termination if the one or both of the babies have been damaged by the conditions or the surgery and reading your experience, although different, made me very sad. But also helped. Anyway, I think you are amazing and I hope everything is going well for you.

    Helen x


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