Time for Another

the diary of our quest for baby number 2

Bump size Thursday 31 January 2008

Filed under: bump,doppler,heartbeat — timeforanother @ 8:45 pm

Ok, so I found a tape measure today whilst rummaging around looking for a 9v battery. My bump measures an impressive 94cm around – I’ll aim to do this once a week or fortnight and see just how enormous I become in the coming months.

Going back to the 9v battery – I never did find it – it was for our baby heartbeat monitor thingy which my sister bought us last time around. It’s not really for use before 21 wks and to be honest it wasn’t all that clear even then. So the call of Ebay came upon me like a flash and before I knew it, I’d found myself a doppler monitor (more like the ones used by midwives). Not content to wait and bid for a high tech 2nd hand one, I felt the need to get one asap. And with that, I ordered us an Angelsounds doppler for a bargain £19.99 +p&p. Hopefully should be with us in a day or two. The reviews look great and I shouldn’t have too much trouble picking up wrigglers hb at this stage. I’m hoping it will give us some reassurance in between scans, although I’m aware that they shouldn’t be used too often as there are concerns with overheating the baby. Still exciting though 🙂

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How many days, weeks, months pregnant am I? Wednesday 30 January 2008

Filed under: calculator,facts,pregnant,size,things to do — timeforanother @ 6:36 pm

Dates and numbers:
There are 173 days until your due date on July 22, 2008.
You are 107 days pregnant.
You are 15 weeks pregnant.
You are 3.5 months pregnant.
You are in your 4th month of pregnancy.
Your 1st trimester: October 16, 2007 to January 14, 2008. (0 – 12 weeks)
Your 2nd trimester: January 15, 2008 to April 28, 2008. (13 – 27 weeks)
Your 3rd trimester: April 29, 2008 to July 22, 2008. (28 – 40 weeks)
Your baby’s crown-to-rump length is approximately 4 inches and s/he now weighs approximately 1.75 ounces. Your baby is close to the size of a softball and you can easily tell that you are pregnant now! If you wear maternity clothes or a swimming suit, other people will be able to tell that you are pregnant also. You can probably feel your uterus about three to four inches below your bellybutton.

With thanks to I-am-pregnant.com

Although my uterus is definitely higher up than that – I’d say it was just under my bellybutton right now! Probably still measuring larger because of the triplets. If I had a tape measure to hand, I’d measure around the bump – that would be fun to chart… 🙂

 

Ups and downs Tuesday 29 January 2008

Filed under: EDD,gender prediction,movements,reduction — timeforanother @ 6:00 pm

Nearly 3wks have passed since the reduction and it feels like months. Not that we’re used to it or have forgotten, but time is behaving very strangely to us. I’m 15wks pregnant today (although I look about 25wks!) and so much has happened that it feels like I should be further on. I have good days and bad days, good minutes and bad minutes. I still feel incredibly sad and guilty about our twins. I’ve been thinking a lot about why I can’t seem to reconcile my rational ‘head’ thoughts with my emotional ‘heart’ thoughts and I think it comes down to this:

Trying to imagine our 3 tiny babies, alive, dead, ill, in incubators with tubes, and/or disabled is beyond my comprehension; it isn’t where we were, and although they were real enough places to end up, it still felt ‘out there’ and not solid. Where we were, the more real place, was very much pregnant, hormonal (x3) and with 3 healthy 12wk old babies who could wave their arms and legs, and had definite profiles. They weren’t just a bunch of cells; we couldn’t ‘un-know’ them once we we’d had that first scan. Noone plans to have a twin or triplet birth, it’s just one of those things and despite only plannng for one more child, the fact that we had 3 more in one go was a reality to deal with. I loved them straightaway – how can a mother not? And I still love them. I know our decision was made with as much information as was available and all the reasons why it was the least worse ‘choice’ but I still find it hard to accept that we had to make the choice at all. It doesn’t get any easier and I really can’t imagine myself ever really resolving the two conflicting feelings.

I have felt a tiny flutter or two in the last few days but nothing much, and nowhere near as much as I was feeling with all 3 there. It’s been such a slap in the face – a really obvious sign of the twins not being there anymore. I really can’t wait until our wriggler can be felt moving often, it’ll make it feel more real, and hopefully reassure me that all is going well.

I’ve missed not being scanned this week, but there haven’t been any good reasons to go in early (next one is on Monday morning) and I know that I have to get used to having a ‘normal’ pregnancy sooner or later. I’m still getting the odd bit of brown gunk but nothing too much and I still get mild cramps and pulls particularly if I’ve been walking or doing the housework. Sounds like a good excuse to take it easy, but it’s driving me spare not getting to clean the floors and walking really slowly. Today I did the floors anyway so I guess I’ll pay tomorrow. I can’t keep living in a bubble of being scared of hurting this baby, as long as I don’t start swinging from chandeliers and attending hardcore aerobics classes I should be ok!

Our friends continue to amaze me with their support. As usual we thought we’d only tell a select few close friends, but it’s been easier to tell the full story to our friends. There is only one person who I’m loathe to hear the full version – she’s Catholic and I’m sure would have strong views on the reduction. Whilst I understand everyone is perfectly allowed to have their opinion, I’m not in a place yet where I can deal with feeling judged. I’m doing plenty of that myself thank you. So they will get the ‘lost the twins’ version which isn’t so far from reality. If they pry further, I shall simply say I’m not up for discussing it thanks. That’s the plan anyway.

My bump is really showing – mostly to do with having lax muscles I’m sure, but it does make me feel a bit more pregnant and we got some new tops for me over the weekend which emphasise it nicely. Funnily enough I’m still under my pre-preg weight, although it’s gradually creeping up again. Damn those double choc cookies.

On a lighter note, the Bounty girls had a fun thread the other day about gender prediction. There is a lady on Ebay who was ‘selling’ a prediction for £1.10, which went to charity. Well, it seemed like a good idea, and for charity, so why not?! You needed to email her your EDD and your own date of birth. Within minutes my reply came through – she says it’s a GIRL!! Well, obviously we have no idea just yet although my instincts tell me we’re bound to have another daughter (I come from a family with lots of females). Maybe I’ll be able to find out at the scan on Monday, otherwise we’ll hopefully find out at the 21wk scan (a very long way off at 14th March). We really don’t mind either way, it’s been such a bumpy journey so far, we’ll just be thrilled that we got to the end and have another baby to love.

 

Good day Wednesday 23 January 2008

Filed under: 21wks,bleeding,blood pressure,consultant,maternity clothes,midwife,scan — timeforanother @ 12:50 pm

I’m feeling optimistic today and have a secret smile when I think about our little wriggler growing so well inside me. Yesterday I posted our scan pics from last week on to Facebook which feels like a big step forward. I’ve been so scared and nervous to get too excited about this baby, fearing the worst at every turn, but it felt like the right time to start being upbeat.

We saw the consultant on Monday afternoon and it was quick but good. Another scan (no. 5, we have the most photographed baby ever!!) and all is well. He didn’t tell me the CTR (crown to rump) measurement but he said he thought wriggler was looking big for the dates – last week it measured a few mm’s off the dates so who knows, I’m absolutely sure of my dates – I could refer them here couldn’t I? 🙂 The twins are now squashed together and look teeny tiny, with little or no fluid around them – weirdly it wasn’t upsetting or gross to see them, although it made me feel sad. But I’m glad they’re together.

He doesn’t seem bothered by the brown bleeding I’m still getting on and off and there doesn’t seem to be any obvious reason for it. I wonder if it’s old blood from having 3 implantations… The best news is that he asked when I wanted to see him again – I had thought they might decide to send me back to regular routine local midwifery care (which would mean no more scans until 21wks which is 14th March) but I said when did he suggest would be good, and we came up with a fortnights time. When we spoke with the mw there, she seemed to indicate that they were going to look after me until we get to 21wks, so fingers crossed I’ll be getting at least 2 more scans in between. It’s so strange – I know how lucky we are to get to see wriggler so regularly but even going a few days seems like weeks for us as it’s been such a stressful & eventful few weeks. I’m on a high having seen the wriggler waving it’s arms and legs but a couple of days later when the bleeding starts again and the cramps start, I’m back to being a mess again and worrying myself silly that it’s all ending. So knowing they are there to keep me sane is amazing. Hurray for the Royal Sussex, if I had the money, I’d be buying a new wing there!!

So after our appt I went to Mothercare to buy a pair of maternity jeans. I’d bought some Seraphine ones from ebay, but overestimated the size I needed and they are hanging off of me. I tried on a size 12 and they were a bit roomy, so I thought, well why not try a 10, thinking I’d never get them past my knees!! But to my absolute delight, they fit like a dream, making my bum look a normal size instead of a great saggy lumpy thing 😀 Amazing – fall pregnant with triplets and end up losing weight and going down 2 dress sizes (not something I’d recommend mind you). All in all a lovely positive day. Our daughter came with us to the scan and was saying ‘baby kicking!’ which amused the consultant so much he gave her a scan pic of her very own which she clutched all the way home. Now she keeps saying ‘hello baby’ to my tummy and saying ‘mama not sad, mama happy!’ – and that makes me happier than ever.

I’ve also contacted my local mw to resurrect my regular appts with her as I realised I haven’t had my blood pressure or urine tested since 8wks (I’m 14wks now). I’m now booked to see her in Feb when I’ll be 17wks and need to see my GP to do a quick blood pressure and urine test for me in the meantime as she’s completely booked up.

For now, everything is looking and feeling ok. Fingers tightly crossed.

 

One week on Thursday 17 January 2008

Filed under: morning sickness,movements,nausea,pregnant,scan,SPD,symptoms,thank you,tired — timeforanother @ 8:19 pm

And I’m still very up and down. I’m relieved our remaining baby seems to be doing fine but still incredibly sad that the twins are gone. It still feels like we’re missing something, but I guess this is all natural and we are still grieving for our loss. We bought a set of little white clothes in newborn size to try and mark the start of looking forward and they are so cute, but whilst nice enough, it didn’t quite make me smile the way it did when we first bought things for our daughter. Still, tiny steps and all that.

I’ve printed off the latest scan pics and bought some lovely thank you cards which will go to our mum’s, my sister and my best friend all of whom have been amazing the last few weeks.

On a physical level, the fluid loss has (fingers crossed) finally stopped, although I’m still waking several times in the night thinking it’s about to happen again. The aching and sharp pains have all but subsided now and turning over at night is much easier. Wriggler is not really being felt yet, although I’m certain I’ve felt a wriggle of sorts on occasion – maybe wishful thinking, but nice nonetheless. The nausea has disappeared completely and it’s only now that it’s gone I realise how bad it had been! That’s not something I’m missing 🙂 I’m still getting quite tired but not that awful ‘must close my eyes right now’ feeling. Pushing the pushchair around yesterday has left me with strange aches deep down in my groin and I’m struggling to stand straight quickly. I’m hoping it’s not the start of SPD – I swear it looks like this pregnancy is going to give me a run for my money. Serves me right for having such a wonderful first one 😉

 

Thanks for the comments Tuesday 15 January 2008

Filed under: comments — timeforanother @ 5:46 pm

I’ve been a bit remiss about comments – I completely forgot to check my email associated with the blog and didn’t think to check within wordpress. D’oh! I guess I’m surprised to find real people are reading this (and just how many bots & spammers??!!). Many thanks for reading, taking time to comment and for the kind words over recent days.

 

Breathing a sigh of relief

Filed under: 2nd child,bleeding,hospital,midwife,scan — timeforanother @ 12:57 pm

After a fretful weekend where the fluid loss continued with the browny coloured blood, we tried calling our local hospital and King’s to no avail. Our local hospital were very sweet but explained that because they don’t do the procedure or see the after results very often, they couldn’t advise if the fluid loss was normal. The number we had for King’s rang out – presumably it’s an office hours number.

I called King’s yesterday afternoon – I’d been putting it off in case I heard the worst, but a nice midwife told me it was hard to say what was normal, the best thing to do was to arrange a scan at our local hospital to check the fluid wasn’t coming from our remaining baby’s sac. K the amazing midwife arranged an appt for me for 10am today so it was just one night to get through. I’ve started to not want to go to bed and sleep as it’s usually in the middle of the night that the fluid loss happens.

So a tiny loss in the middle of the night, followed by hours of inability to sleep again. Shaking like a leaf and feeling sick, we get to the hospital and wait for 5 minutes. The sonographers are so lovely as we explain what we can. Almost immediately they find our baby and its heart is beating, arms and legs waving, bouncing around just like our dd did. Plenty of fluid around it and it’s grown another cm since Thurs. It looks like the fluid loss is from the other two – there is minimal liquid surrounding them now, and their placenta is quite close to my cervix which may explain the brown bleeding. It may also cause problems with delivery if it remains there, but it’s early days and may move or disappear in the coming months. At this point that’s the least of our worries. We hope to have a homebirth, but honestly if they have to cut my legs off to get this baby out, I wouldn’t care.

We are still seeing the consultant on Monday where he’ll scan again to make sure he’s happy with how things are progressing, and then we’ll discuss how to proceed with antenatal care. I still can’t quite get over how amazingly supportive they have been to us. We also have our 21wk scan booked for 14th March. So strange to think that will be our 6th scan when usually it would be our 2nd.

We have 4 beautiful pictures of our bouncing bean – the profile is so like our daughter – the exact same nose. I had been thinking it’s a girl but today I’m not so sure. Again, I don’t give a monkeys – funny how when I started writing this blog, it was partially to document whether we could actively try for a boy. How things change.