Time for Another

the diary of our quest for baby number 2

Time to say goodbye Monday 11 January 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — timeforanother @ 1:25 pm
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It was the 2nd anniversary of our reduction yesterday. The days running up to it left me feeling very emotional – I re-read the blog entries and remembered those dark and difficult days so clearly. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago, yet also still so vivid and raw.

I still often catch myself wondering how it might have been to have 3 little ones running around, causing mischief, winning me over with a cheeky smile… but I am grateful that we have two adorable children with us. The twins have their special place in our hearts and last night we lit two chinese lanterns and remembered our little ones. Our daughter watched from her bedroom window and waved at them as they floated peacefully up into the frosty sky.

We’ll continue to honour them in a similar fashion every year, until maybe we won’t want or feel the need to. For now, it feels right.

What has become clear is that I don’t feel the need to continue this blog. It has been incredibly useful to me, getting down those random, complicated thoughts. And when I look back to how it all started, with a mission to document a 2nd pregnancy, with a vague idea of trying for a boy… how differently it panned out. The blog will remain as a diary – one day maybe my children will read it. In the meantime, it gets a fairly steady stream of unknown readers – I know not all of those readers agree or understand what we did or why we did it, but there are at least a couple for whom it has helped. To know that you are not alone in going through this incredibly difficult time. It was the lack of information and support for this very specific procedure which I found deeply upsetting, there was no-one to turn to, until I discovered the Yahoo support group. Even there, the women were all American and had become pregnant with fertility treatments, I was the only one pregnant entirely naturally (which meant we had had no discussions about the likelihood of multiple pregnancy or it’s outcomes). However we all know the double edged sword that reduction is. We all agonised over the procedure, feel great guilt, grief and confusion, wondered ‘what if…’. Together we continue to talk, discuss, counsel and support each other. A tiny bunch of some of the bravest, strongest women I have ever encountered. I am proud to be one of them, despite the circumstances which brought us together.

And so, it is time to say goodbye. Thank you to those who have read and commented – it sure has been a bumpy ride, but life goes on, and we are all stronger for the experiences we have had.

I’d like to dedicate this blog to my wonderful husband and my gorgeous children (all four of them). I love you all to the moon and back. xxx

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I’m back :) Tuesday 4 August 2009

Filed under: comments,negative,positive,reduction,triplets — timeforanother @ 5:23 pm
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For today anyway! Can’t believe it’s been so many months since I last managed a post. Very remiss, but I have got an excuse, being a busy mama to my two wonderful kids. If can barely believe that our little boy turned 1 just a couple of weeks ago, and our beautiful daughter will celebrate her 4th birthday in a couple of weeks time.

I just caught up with some comments left here.  I’m always surprised to find them – I forget that there are people who find and read this blog (despite no advertising of it anywhere as far as I’m aware).  Other than spam, I decided early on to publish all comments made, whatever their content. Some might find this a bit bizarre but for the most part, I accept that the topic of selective reduction will produce strong reactions. Most of the comments I’ve received have been very nice with the odd more unpleasant one thrown into the mix. I don’t deny anyone the right to say what they feel, but it really disappoints me that the pro-lifers are so crude and unwilling to accept that some things in life are not black and white, however we would like them to be.  For sure, the decision may have been a lot simpler if I’d had such strong views. Then again, maybe not. I remember thinking at the time how it might have been if I’d had a faith (I don’t). Now that I’ve been in contact with other women who have been through SR – most of whom are practising Christians – I’m certain that it would have only made things more woolly. Ultimately I only have myself to answer to. My husband and I are lucky to have a strong marriage and friendship and we made the decisions we made together. If I’d wanted something different, I’m not entirely certain where we’d be right now. I strongly suspect that even with the strongest of relationships, ours may not have survived having triplets. Financially I know that it would have been pretty devastating even during the pregnancy – having time off when you’re self employed means no income. I can only imagine what might have been. And so, because it really doesn’t matter about all the infinite ‘what if’s’ now (what’s done is done), I choose to think positively about it all. We have an adorable little boy with a gorgeous and proud big sister. The twins I’m sure would have been equally adorable and gorgeous, and I like to think of them with a smile instead of a cry. We talk about them still – they are part of our lives and our family – just because they are no longer here with us in person, doesn’t mean they aren’t still the siblings to our surviving kids, or our children. They were more than just foetuses to us, I felt them moving and saw them on the scans. I feel I owe it to them to remember them and honour them, for they did exist, if only for a short time.  And no amount of sanctimonious commentary will ever make me feel any differently.

 

Snatching 5 mins Tuesday 17 February 2009

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As both kids are napping, I suddenly remembered that I haven’t updated here for ages. Life gets in the way! Since my last post, we have been through the anniversary of the reduction and it was upsetting but ultimately I have made peace with it. We planted a beautiful weeping cherry tree, with the placenta underneath and lit two candles for our twins. Earlier in the day I had a tattoo of a pair of cherries done on the place I remember feeling them. It’s only small but feels significant.

Life goes on at it’s usual hectic pace – we’re doing Little Dippers (swimming/water safety) with our son and he adores being in the water. Maybe because he was born into it? And our daughter is settling into the Montessori nursery very well. I’m on to the 2nd term of my bookbinding course and really enjoying it. It’s good to have a little time away from being mama, to do something for myself.

This weekend we were lucky enough to have a night out, with our good friend babysitting the kids. It was fun to get dressed up and have a dance or two- something we haven’t done in a long while. We’ve vowed to make time for us as a couple at least once a month. And plans are afoot for a big move next year… more on that later maybe 🙂  Meantime we have a fortnights holiday to look forward to in early May – a much needed break for all of us, and the first time abroad for Thing 2!

 

Weighing in Thursday 11 December 2008

Filed under: christmas,daughter,son,weight — timeforanother @ 12:11 pm

A very quick round up starting with the bloody amazing news that I am back to pre-preg weight of 9st 11. This has come as a big surprise as only a few weeks ago I was still way over 10st and finding it hard to shift those extra pounds. However a few of my clothes have started to get that slightly loose feeling, so I guess my walking to and from nursery everyday is having an effect. Also living a distance from the shops helps with avoiding tasty snacks.

Christmas is nearly upon us and as usual we’re doing the last minute thing. Thank god for the internet – most of my shopping is done this way and Christmas is no exception. My daughter is the easiest of all – I could easily spend a fortune on her as she’s at that brilliant age where everything is interesting. We’ve gone for a beautiful wooden oven and wooden cupcake set as her main present and this year we’ll do her first ever stocking 🙂

Our son is more tricky – he’s only 21wks so doesn’t really need or want anything other than the things he already has but obviously we don’t want our dd to feel he’s been left out (or that Santa thinks he’s been naughty!) I’m sure we’ll get a few bits for him even if it’s just some new babygros.

Oh dear, my usually placid, quiet son is squealing and kicking his legs so I’d better go and sort him out with some food.

 

Almost back online Monday 10 November 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — timeforanother @ 11:37 am

We finally moved in to our new home last week so things are a bit hectic – boxes everywhere and a tantrumming daughter. It’s been very unsettling for her particularly over the last couple of months, and a new home, after a week with my parents and a week in a holiday cottage, combined with starting a new nursery school 5 mornings a week. Thankfully our little boy remains pretty oblivious – the joys of being 16wks old!

The house is lovely and the area seems really nice so we hope to enjoy our time here. I had a big wobble a couple of days ago as I remembered that this time last year we would have been pregnant (just) with the triplets. It’s still so painful to remember it all; so crystal clear on all the details, just like it was yesterday. It’s so much more abstract than just thinking ‘oh well, at least I have my beautiful son’ I still miss my twins and will always feel that way. Of course our son is adorable and completely loved and every day with him is a pleasure. He’s learnt to roll over, blow raspberries and smiles the biggest, cutest smiles ever 🙂

Hopefully once our broadband connection is up and running (I’m piggybacking on someone elses wifi at the moment) I’ll be back to blogging more tales of family life.

 

Procrastinating Tuesday 14 October 2008

Filed under: Montessori,moving house — timeforanother @ 5:01 pm

I should really be packing – we leave here on Friday morning and there is a mountain of stuff to do. But… here I am. We’ve effectively homeless for the next 2 weeks as the buyers insisted they complete this Friday instead of the 3rd Nov which we wanted. So it’s off to my parents with the kids whilst DH stays here to work and sofa surf, then we’re planning on a UK getaway for the final week – we need to chill out and relax a little as well as having some fun with Thing 1 who has been a bit neglected in the entertainment department of late. She’s finishing at her nursery this week and will start at the local Montessori school in November, which we’re delighted about – it should suit her temperament really well, and the class sizes are nice and small.

Ok, better go – must feed the small ones.

 

Long time no write Wednesday 8 October 2008

Filed under: 2nd child,selling house,triplets — timeforanother @ 12:07 am

Funnily enough I’ve been pretty busy and have neglected to update this blog. Apologies for those who have been reading regularly. So, this will be a quick visit – I need to feed my little one and sleep.  We’ve so very nearly sold the flat, the buyers played fast and hard with our stress levels, but we’re hoping to exchange and complete by the end of the month when we move to a beautiful rented house, with a sweet little garden.

Our little boy continues to bring complete joy to us. He pretty much sleeps through already, feeding around midnight and waking again at 6am. Unfortunately he’s suffering from diarrhea (sp?) at the moment since having his first routine jabs. We’re waiting for results to come back to see if there is anything causing it. Thankfully he’s not dehydrated and seems very content aside from this unpleasantness.

I had my final counselling session a couple of weeks ago and feel pleased on one hand but sad on the other. Everything is still very fresh and raw and there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t remember the twins. I talk often with their brother about them and what it means that we still have him. I know he’s too little to understand properly but there are times when he stares deep into my eyes and I really feel we have such a connection, and that he somehow gets what I’m on about. Possibly wishful thinking, but hey, what’s wrong with that?

Ok, I promise to get on here again in the next day or so to talk more. But for now, my little boy needs his milk.